This is a True Story... I just made up.
Born during a bar fight in Cork, Ireland, Bourke came into the world swinging. On the first day of his life, he lost an eye, took a man’s life and developed an insatiable taste for whiskey. At the age of two, Bourke’s father lost him in a poker game. Six months later, Bourke won himself back. And when he was three years old, prohibition hit the United States, and Bourke ultimately decided he couldn’t bear the thought of Americans going thirsty.
Hell-bent and ready to rumble, Bourke hitched a ride on a whiskey boat bound for the dry nation to supply illegal spirits to the American people. Docked in a strange land and armed with nothing but a family recipe for Irish whiskey and a smuggler’s wit, Bourke quickly organized a gang of misfits known as the “Black Eye Society” and took over the routes of the nation’s milkmen. By cleverly disguising whiskey as milk bottles, they were able to deliver goods right to people’s front doors—and just like that, the drinkers kept drinking.
By the time Bourke was a teenager, he had become an underground legend, with whispers of his name in back alleys and speakeasies across the country and songs being sung of his tales. The style of those songs inspired the rock and roll we hear today, blaring from the very pub that in which you so often raise a glass. He also acts sometimes. Sláinte!